Wisdom for Obedience

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. (James 1:5-8)

Generous Provider,

We seek to know your provision in our lives even more fully.  You have done incredible things in our family to care for us and bless us far better than what we have earned.  And far too often we haven't even acknowledged your hand in the simple meal that sits on our table.

You have been good to us and so it seems somewhat foolish of me to ask for more.  Yet all I am is a beggar with nothing that hasn't already been given by you.  What else can I do but continue to ask for you to provide?

So here I am, holding nothing in my hands that I have earned, only that which you've already blessed me with, asking you to bless me even more.

We seek to be obedient to you in our journey to seminary and whatever ministries it leads us to.  We seek to be good stewards of the money you've asked us to care for.  We want to live with your priorities in mind, giving our attention to our marriage, discipling our children, and ministering among your people.  We want you to be glorified in us as we strive to do your will in a new place.  We are excited for that adventure to begin.

But here we are waiting for you to move.  We are sure you are already moving in ways that we cannot see, so help us to trust your sovereign timing.  We believe that we have taken every step forward that we can and now just wait for you to provide.

You know the things we need and we anticipate this week an incredible answer to all of our prayers.  I've interviewed for jobs, we've shown our house, we've found houses that would be a great fit for our family and the results of those things are in your hands right now.  Please make this week an exciting step in our journey.  We know that your usually method of provision is quiet, consistent, and sufficient, but we pray for this step of faith in our lives to be marked with abundant provision and overwhelming response to our needs.

As we wait for you to reveal your work to us, give us the wisdom we lack, which you are thrilled to provide, so that we may no longer wonder in anxiety about what to do next, but we may trust in you standing on our firm foundation and boldly stepping forward in faith.

May the praise of our lips be heard all around at the revealing of your abundant provision in this moment.

Unfathomable Wisdom

“The Lord possessed me [wisdom] at the beginning of his work, the first of his acts of old.

Ages ago I was set up, at the first, before the beginning of the earth.

When there were no depths I was brought forth, when there were no springs abounding with water.

Before the mountains had been shaped, before the hills, I was brought forth,

before he had made the earth with its fields, or the first of the dust of the world.

When he established the heavens, I was there; when he drew a circle on the face of the deep,

when he made firm the skies above, when he established the fountains of the deep,

when he assigned to the sea its limit, so that the waters might not transgress his command,

when he marked out the foundations of the earth, then I was beside him, like a master workman,

and I was daily his delight, rejoicing before him always,

rejoicing in his inhabited world and delighting in the children of man.

(Proverbs 8:22-31, ESV)

Maybe I just have a case of the Mondays, or perhaps it's because my house continues to be a difficult sell in this supposedly sellers' market, but I'm feeling pretty crummy this morning.  Selling our house has been a major obstacle in getting to seminary.  We can't look at new homes until we know what we are getting with our old home.  It is a new home in a nice neighborhood with high quality features that most people dream they could have in their homes.  Yet, in this supposed sellers' market, the buyers are much pickier than I would have thought; not liking a certain neighbor, a bedroom in the basement, a family room too small.  And just when we think there is some hope with a new buyer, that hope is dashed and we are left wondering what to do next.

I often need to check my motives to be sure that I am not pushing for something that God has not planned for me.  Is He trying to move me in a different direction?  Why would He change my course after years of provision in this direction?

Is He telling me to lower the price even more so we have nothing but the clothes on our back to move and experience His daily bread provision in a way we never thought would be necessary?

Is He just telling us to wait a little bit longer?

Sure, it could be any (or all) of these, and each one makes me very uncomfortable.  And each one makes little sense. We need to get moving now.  We need that money from the sale to live for a few months while we find employment and a home.  We are confident that God has prepared us for and confirmed this move in many wonderful ways.  So what am I supposed to do?

I have no idea.  I'm stumped.

But one thing I need to remind myself of is God's infinite wisdom in it all.  We studied this section of Proverbs yesterday in Sunday School and it hit me pretty hard.  God's infinite wisdom was part of His character before the foundation of the world.  It was part of establishing all things and continues to sustain and create all things.  Daily, His providence is filled with wisdom; greater wisdom than I can comprehend.

So when I say that we are running out of time or money, His wisdom says He's got it all planned out.  In God's economy, there is no end to His time or money.  When waiting longer or moving forward with nothing doesn't make any sense in my mind, His wisdom requires me to trust Him.

Easy for my head to say to my heart, but even as I remind myself of these truths, it is hard for my unbelieving heart to understand and I limp along through the day with saturated eyes and a swirling mind.  This is my regular prayer these days, "God, help my unbelief!"

The Peaceful Sound of Crashing Waves

I was laying in bed last night relaxing with my wife on the edge of falling asleep and my mind rushed back to the time when we were married on a beach in Maui. 

While our room was nothing spectacular (having no breathtaking ocean views), we would leave the window open all night long so we could hear the constant sound of the crashing waves as we drifted off to sleep in paradise.  What an incredible blessing it was to get to marry my beloved on a beach in Hawaii.  It was like there was nothing else in the world to worry about as we were lost in the week that we hoped would never end.  It was certainly one of the greatest experiences of our lives.

And now, almost eight years later, as I'm lying in my bed I am drifting off to sleep again by the peaceful sound of crashing waves.  This time, however, I'm still in Minnesota; a thousand miles from any ocean.  Now the sound is coming from the baby wave machine in my newborn daughter's bedroom that I can hear through her monitor. 

This moment seems more peaceful than that previous one, because this came after nearly six weeks of getting less than minimal sleep.  I felt a combination of jubilation and great peace.  And also a little confusion about whether or not I owe Gary Ezzo our firstborn because of the great peace his book has provided our family.  All three of our kids responded well to the methods in Babywise, sleeping through the night after nine or ten weeks. Our newest, Olivia, seems to have gotten a hang of it in five weeks!

In the chaos of having three small children, two within 11 months of one another, and the busyness of selling our home and preparing to move, God has blessed us with good sleep much sooner than expected.  And just last night, our newborn gave us a break from her routine "witching hour" and went to sleep at 8:00 pm allowing us to have the most amazing quiet time that we've had in quite a long time.

So hearing the sound of crashing waves this time around was much more rewarding than that first time only hundreds of feet from the shore.  This time it was the perfect rest given at just the right time after weeks of dwindling energy being drained off by a houseful of little ones.

I drifted off to sleep thanking God for those sounds of crashing waves which were much more satisfying than any beach in Hawaii.

So That I Will Not Boast in Myself

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord  disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11, ESV)

(European Pressphoto)

 At one point in the process of moving toward Bethlehem College and Seminary, I came upon what appeared to be a dead end road; an abrupt stop in what seemed to be such a clear path to me.  It was a blow to my faith as I thought I was walking in faithful obedience for quite a while only to meet the end of the road with a steep cliff at the end; standing at the precipice in the pouring rain with no apparent new direction.  It was a gut wrenching feeling to think that everything I had worked toward and given up was wrong. How would I ever know God's leading in my life if that which was as clear to me as anything else was actually incorrect?  I spiraled quickly into the pit of despair.

 But "faithful are the wounds of a friend" who I had really only gotten to know over the phone during my interview process.  I had come to deeply respect this man's experienced perspective and he called me up to correct my prideful self-loathing.  What he told me is something that is difficult and important for me to remember every time I wonder how and why God is working.  He reminded me that God didn't do so much work in me for the last few years to leave me out to dry here and that instead of pitying myself and worrying about what God is doing, my only responsibility is to think about what I can learn through this experience and how I can become more holy through it.

 I didn't like the feeling of rejection and impotence.  I am the kind of guy who sees what needs to be done and makes it happen.  But my wise friend was sure to remind me that I am not in control and I need to learn how to let go of the reigns and trust God's work.

 As it turned out, the dead-end road was just an illusion.  The path became clearer later and looking back now, I recoil at the memory of my pathetic heart in such a moment.  But now I seem to, again, have come upon another road block in which I should be getting a little anxious about how it will work out.

 Just two months from when I need to leave, my house still hasn't sold, I have no idea where we will live, and I'm still on the lookout for that part-time job to support my family.  Last year, when we were filling out the application and weighing our financial situation, we had assumed that through various efforts we would make the move with a good amount of savings to move forward with.  And since that time, we've seen almost every one of those opportunities dwindle to the point where we will likely have less than half of what was expected. At times I feel like Gideon about to embark on a significant endeavor with God cutting out every possible resource that could be a source of personal boasting.

To this point we've been okay with that. I try to remind myself of the words of my faithful friend, that God has been preparing us for this endeavor, and instead of fretting about how it will work out I need to simply think about what I can learn in this moment and who I can minister to with what I do have today.  God will take care of tomorrow.

In our recent congregational prayer meeting (and in a John Piper blog post), I was reminded about the purpose of God's work in our lives: that He would receive great glory.  The reason He took away all of Gideon's battle resources was so He could be sure to get the credit for the victory.  The reason God answers our prayers is so that in receiving an answer we will praise Him for his provision.  The reason He sustains us through trials is to reveal Himself to be our strength in our time of weakness.

 The longer He makes me wait, the more excited I get to shout from the rooftops His amazing love and care for me.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:1-3, ESV)

Like a Family Reunion

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. (Matthew 19:29, ESV)

As the time draws nearer to the beginning of our new life, I become more overwhelmed with anticipation to meet a group of people who I already feel is my family.  Only a couple months ago we received a list of names of the people we would be spending much of the next four years with.  Immediately we began gathering together on Facebook to start to pray for one another in this time of uncertain transition and to simply get to know each other so on our first day of school we wouldn't feel like strangers.  Now, as I think about that upcoming first day, I am filled with excitement to more personally embrace my newest friends.   

It is one of the outcomes of the gospel which I value the most.  When we make some of the bold decisions in obedience to our Lord, knowing that we have a family of God who is striving to do the same and understands your heart is such a blessing.  And to be able to expect and to long for that relationship with a group of people you have never met is a testament to God's work in each of our hearts.

How incredible is it that we who are so different all desire the same thing and will learn to trust and depend on one another for at least the next four years!   That's the power of the gospel.  God brings together people from different cultures, of different ages, with different skills and interests, and He uses us together to make His glory known in the world.  No matter how different we are, we have Christ as our commonality; and when Christ is supreme in all of our hearts, we will all get along wonderfully.

I can't wait!

A few of us are starting school a little late, bringing our families with us.  Others will still be getting the ink to dry on their high school and college diplomas.  Some are world travelers, some are Minnesota lifers.  Some have served as pastors and youth leaders, and some have ministered in the inner-city or adopted children into their family.  I feel like I've gotten to know so much about them already and meeting each other for the first time this summer will be like a family reunion; complete with some good ol' Minnesota hot dish on a balmy 75 degree day, dont'cha know.

I am anxious to finally sit down together with my new brothers and sisters and hear how God orchestrated all things together to bring us together for this time.  This softy will have to sneak in a box of Kleenex.

Found: An Excellent Wife

"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." Proverbs 31:10

I'm sure many guys may be willing to argue with me on this, but I feel it needs to be shouted from every pulpit I'm given: I have the best wife in the world.  This becomes more clear to me every day, but never more so than this day, six days after she became a mother of three.  The faith and courage she put on display in our home leading up to the birth of our little Olivia Joy was worthy of its own proverb.

I didn't know how I could think any more highly of my wife.  She was a passionate career woman who was highly respected in her profession, and she gave up that notoriety for the humble service of a homemaker.  She endured the painful wait of an adoption (and the odd questions people give her) in order to provide a Christ-filled nurturing environment to a vulnerable young life.  My wife has followed me with encouragement and enthusiasm in finding a new church home (Baptist!) and eventually giving up our comfortable and beautiful small-town home to move to the big city and live on beans and rice while I attend seminary.  And in the midst of having a newborn in the house and applying to seminary, when I said I was ready for another baby, she said to me (a little paraphrased): "You've got that crazy look in your eye again.  Let's go for it."  She is an incredible woman of faith who challenges me with her actions to be a better man.

But on May 6th, 2013, she took that challenge to a whole new level.

There is no doubt that giving birth to a child is an extremely painful event.  So painful that 60% of American women receive an epidural to reduce the pain.  Upon our first rejection of God, He promised that this event in our lives would from then on be a painful experience (Genesis 3:16), and it is something we've been hiding from ever since.  We hide from it because of fear; fear of the child being too big, fear of not being able to handle the pain, fear of looking weak.

And with God's perfect timing, my wife admitted to me that she was convicted that her fear of childbirth had replaced her trust in God.  She read to me an article explaining the purpose of pain and how to focus on God's blessings in such a time of weakness.

"God often uses pain as a means of drawing our attention off ourselves and on to Him."

So she was determined to go into the birth of our third child to grow in her faith and trust in God; to experience his hand of providence even through the fear of such pain.  And it brings me to tears to think of how much faith she showed throughout the entire thing.  With fear of appearing to minimize the apparent pain of childbirth, I tell you that she was a woman comforted by the Holy Spirit that night.

As the contractions came and intensified, she breathed through them without making a sound. She showed incredible command over the pain, leaning on Him, the source of all comfort.  And when the contraction subsided, she let out a huge breath of relief and smiled enjoying the peace of the moment delivered to her in the battle.  She thanked God for and sought anticipation in the rest in between the battles.

Suddenly, things sped up and intensified even more.  And just when she thought she couldn't handle it any more, the doctor said, "It's time to push.  But just wait, because we are not ready for the baby yet."  She pushed two times.  With the face of determination longing to know the end of the battle, she willed the end of her labor.  "The doctor said to her, 'Hold on.  One more push and she'll be here."  And with one final push, the end had arrived.

There in her arms was our beautiful little girl.  At the end of the battle was great joy, rest, and satisfaction in the victory.  What a glorious moment and one I am thankful to have experienced.  That day, my wife was the strongest person I have ever known.  She showed me what it meant to trust God through fear and pain.  She showed me what God means when he says all creation groans in labor pains until Christ's return; that day when we will know that all of our fear and pain was worth the glory that awaits us in the end.

I have found my excellent wife.  She conquered one of life's biggest challenges.  She faced her fear and refused to let it steal her joy.  She is my treasure that points me always to the inheritance that awaits us in heaven.

Happy Mother's Day, my love!

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We live in a fast culture.  We want everything and we want it right now.  Pull your car up to a window and get an entire meal for your family in less than two minutes.  We can get 100 Mbps internet in our home that allows us to download an entire high definition movie in 2 minutes.  Smart phones allow us to have instant communication with anyone in anyplace whenever we feel like it.  Entire libraries worth of information are at our fingertips as we sit at a downtown bus stop.

Because of these blessings, we have become an impatient people.  We have little time for those who might slow us down.  Driver stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire?  No time to help when we are already late for work.  Just need to stop into the store to pick up a couple things?  Delayed three minutes because a 70 year old woman has 12 items in the ten-items-or-less express lane...and she's writing a check!

It is especially frustrating to have to slow down when you've got every minute of your next two months planned out and God has a different plan.  It reveals what's in my heart when I am impatient with others throughout my day, but it really shows my lack of faith when God tells me to wait and I can't sit still and trust Him.

Right now I see a hundred things that need to get done in the next few months to get settled in to our new life in Minneapolis.  I need to find money to pay for everything.  I need to find a part-time job.  I need to find a home to live in.  I need to figure out how to get moved up there and when would be the best time.  I need to get some books, and maybe a new computer.  I need to pass a Greek exam.  There are details of each of these things that I am ready to get going on figuring out.

I've said before that I am a planner and a doer.  I see what needs to be done, formulate a plan, and work hard to achieve excellent results.  So when God tells me to wait, it is hard for me to sit still.  I feel like I am wasting time.  I feel like I'm ready to start the game, but the computer is slowly stretching that little bar across the screen saying, "Loading..."

Sometimes life is "hurry up and wait."  For one entire summer, Molly and I prepared for our adoption.  We read all the required books, took the training courses, and finished our home study in near record time.  And then we waited for two years for God to bring us our son.  We scrambled for a few weeks to get our house ready to be put on the market, and now we wait for God to bring the right buyer.  We are within days of our baby being born.  Everything is set up to be ready for her arrival; kids have a place to stay for a couple days, house ready to be shown while we are out, the bags are packed for a couple days in the hospital; and now we wait.

It's hard to wait when I see all that needs to get done, but I too easily forget that God is sovereign over every detail.  I too easily get focused on the next step that I forget to be content with where I am right now; to enjoy this very moment.  God has been so good to me up to now (obviously better than I deserve since I continually doubt His good providence), why should I question His ability to provide for all that needs to be done as we take a step of faith in order to know Him better?

These words from Jesus need to be stapled to my forehead to remind me daily that He is good and He will provide what is necessary for my obedience:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."