So That I Will Not Boast in Myself

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord  disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11, ESV)

(European Pressphoto)

 At one point in the process of moving toward Bethlehem College and Seminary, I came upon what appeared to be a dead end road; an abrupt stop in what seemed to be such a clear path to me.  It was a blow to my faith as I thought I was walking in faithful obedience for quite a while only to meet the end of the road with a steep cliff at the end; standing at the precipice in the pouring rain with no apparent new direction.  It was a gut wrenching feeling to think that everything I had worked toward and given up was wrong. How would I ever know God's leading in my life if that which was as clear to me as anything else was actually incorrect?  I spiraled quickly into the pit of despair.

 But "faithful are the wounds of a friend" who I had really only gotten to know over the phone during my interview process.  I had come to deeply respect this man's experienced perspective and he called me up to correct my prideful self-loathing.  What he told me is something that is difficult and important for me to remember every time I wonder how and why God is working.  He reminded me that God didn't do so much work in me for the last few years to leave me out to dry here and that instead of pitying myself and worrying about what God is doing, my only responsibility is to think about what I can learn through this experience and how I can become more holy through it.

 I didn't like the feeling of rejection and impotence.  I am the kind of guy who sees what needs to be done and makes it happen.  But my wise friend was sure to remind me that I am not in control and I need to learn how to let go of the reigns and trust God's work.

 As it turned out, the dead-end road was just an illusion.  The path became clearer later and looking back now, I recoil at the memory of my pathetic heart in such a moment.  But now I seem to, again, have come upon another road block in which I should be getting a little anxious about how it will work out.

 Just two months from when I need to leave, my house still hasn't sold, I have no idea where we will live, and I'm still on the lookout for that part-time job to support my family.  Last year, when we were filling out the application and weighing our financial situation, we had assumed that through various efforts we would make the move with a good amount of savings to move forward with.  And since that time, we've seen almost every one of those opportunities dwindle to the point where we will likely have less than half of what was expected. At times I feel like Gideon about to embark on a significant endeavor with God cutting out every possible resource that could be a source of personal boasting.

To this point we've been okay with that. I try to remind myself of the words of my faithful friend, that God has been preparing us for this endeavor, and instead of fretting about how it will work out I need to simply think about what I can learn in this moment and who I can minister to with what I do have today.  God will take care of tomorrow.

In our recent congregational prayer meeting (and in a John Piper blog post), I was reminded about the purpose of God's work in our lives: that He would receive great glory.  The reason He took away all of Gideon's battle resources was so He could be sure to get the credit for the victory.  The reason God answers our prayers is so that in receiving an answer we will praise Him for his provision.  The reason He sustains us through trials is to reveal Himself to be our strength in our time of weakness.

 The longer He makes me wait, the more excited I get to shout from the rooftops His amazing love and care for me.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:1-3, ESV)

Like a Family Reunion

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. (Matthew 19:29, ESV)

As the time draws nearer to the beginning of our new life, I become more overwhelmed with anticipation to meet a group of people who I already feel is my family.  Only a couple months ago we received a list of names of the people we would be spending much of the next four years with.  Immediately we began gathering together on Facebook to start to pray for one another in this time of uncertain transition and to simply get to know each other so on our first day of school we wouldn't feel like strangers.  Now, as I think about that upcoming first day, I am filled with excitement to more personally embrace my newest friends.   

It is one of the outcomes of the gospel which I value the most.  When we make some of the bold decisions in obedience to our Lord, knowing that we have a family of God who is striving to do the same and understands your heart is such a blessing.  And to be able to expect and to long for that relationship with a group of people you have never met is a testament to God's work in each of our hearts.

How incredible is it that we who are so different all desire the same thing and will learn to trust and depend on one another for at least the next four years!   That's the power of the gospel.  God brings together people from different cultures, of different ages, with different skills and interests, and He uses us together to make His glory known in the world.  No matter how different we are, we have Christ as our commonality; and when Christ is supreme in all of our hearts, we will all get along wonderfully.

I can't wait!

A few of us are starting school a little late, bringing our families with us.  Others will still be getting the ink to dry on their high school and college diplomas.  Some are world travelers, some are Minnesota lifers.  Some have served as pastors and youth leaders, and some have ministered in the inner-city or adopted children into their family.  I feel like I've gotten to know so much about them already and meeting each other for the first time this summer will be like a family reunion; complete with some good ol' Minnesota hot dish on a balmy 75 degree day, dont'cha know.

I am anxious to finally sit down together with my new brothers and sisters and hear how God orchestrated all things together to bring us together for this time.  This softy will have to sneak in a box of Kleenex.

Found: An Excellent Wife

"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." Proverbs 31:10

I'm sure many guys may be willing to argue with me on this, but I feel it needs to be shouted from every pulpit I'm given: I have the best wife in the world.  This becomes more clear to me every day, but never more so than this day, six days after she became a mother of three.  The faith and courage she put on display in our home leading up to the birth of our little Olivia Joy was worthy of its own proverb.

I didn't know how I could think any more highly of my wife.  She was a passionate career woman who was highly respected in her profession, and she gave up that notoriety for the humble service of a homemaker.  She endured the painful wait of an adoption (and the odd questions people give her) in order to provide a Christ-filled nurturing environment to a vulnerable young life.  My wife has followed me with encouragement and enthusiasm in finding a new church home (Baptist!) and eventually giving up our comfortable and beautiful small-town home to move to the big city and live on beans and rice while I attend seminary.  And in the midst of having a newborn in the house and applying to seminary, when I said I was ready for another baby, she said to me (a little paraphrased): "You've got that crazy look in your eye again.  Let's go for it."  She is an incredible woman of faith who challenges me with her actions to be a better man.

But on May 6th, 2013, she took that challenge to a whole new level.

There is no doubt that giving birth to a child is an extremely painful event.  So painful that 60% of American women receive an epidural to reduce the pain.  Upon our first rejection of God, He promised that this event in our lives would from then on be a painful experience (Genesis 3:16), and it is something we've been hiding from ever since.  We hide from it because of fear; fear of the child being too big, fear of not being able to handle the pain, fear of looking weak.

And with God's perfect timing, my wife admitted to me that she was convicted that her fear of childbirth had replaced her trust in God.  She read to me an article explaining the purpose of pain and how to focus on God's blessings in such a time of weakness.

"God often uses pain as a means of drawing our attention off ourselves and on to Him."

So she was determined to go into the birth of our third child to grow in her faith and trust in God; to experience his hand of providence even through the fear of such pain.  And it brings me to tears to think of how much faith she showed throughout the entire thing.  With fear of appearing to minimize the apparent pain of childbirth, I tell you that she was a woman comforted by the Holy Spirit that night.

As the contractions came and intensified, she breathed through them without making a sound. She showed incredible command over the pain, leaning on Him, the source of all comfort.  And when the contraction subsided, she let out a huge breath of relief and smiled enjoying the peace of the moment delivered to her in the battle.  She thanked God for and sought anticipation in the rest in between the battles.

Suddenly, things sped up and intensified even more.  And just when she thought she couldn't handle it any more, the doctor said, "It's time to push.  But just wait, because we are not ready for the baby yet."  She pushed two times.  With the face of determination longing to know the end of the battle, she willed the end of her labor.  "The doctor said to her, 'Hold on.  One more push and she'll be here."  And with one final push, the end had arrived.

There in her arms was our beautiful little girl.  At the end of the battle was great joy, rest, and satisfaction in the victory.  What a glorious moment and one I am thankful to have experienced.  That day, my wife was the strongest person I have ever known.  She showed me what it meant to trust God through fear and pain.  She showed me what God means when he says all creation groans in labor pains until Christ's return; that day when we will know that all of our fear and pain was worth the glory that awaits us in the end.

I have found my excellent wife.  She conquered one of life's biggest challenges.  She faced her fear and refused to let it steal her joy.  She is my treasure that points me always to the inheritance that awaits us in heaven.

Happy Mother's Day, my love!