Last year I was privileged to experience the "love" and "tolerance" of the current culture by being on the wrong side of a mob verbal lashing for my perspective on marriage and religion. It was quite the eye-opening experience and one that I am thankful God used to grow me into a more patient and compassionate teacher. This experience happened just after my son Titus joined our family and I was thinking a lot about what kind of man I wanted him to become; what kind of character do I want him to develop. And as I thought about the godly man I want to train him to be, I began to realize that the more godly he becomes, the more the world will hate him. So I wrote this letter to him thinking through those thoughts.
My dear Titus; my apprentice in manhood and faith; my son,
You must be the happiest child I have ever seen. You are always
smiling; always giggling. When I enter a room and you look up to see
me, your face lights up. When I start to sing a song, the corners of
your mouth curl up while your eyes beg to be able to sing along. We
have hundreds of pictures of you already and I swear you are flashing
that big gummy smile in every one of them. When we carry you around in
public places, you light up dreary faces with your big grin.
But I want you to know, son, that as much as I love to see you smile
and want it to last as long as possible, my goal as your father is not
your happiness.
You see, this is a strange world we live in where so many people are
pursuing their own happiness, and despite so much prosperity, nobody can
seem to find it. There is even a philosophical term for it: The
Pleasure Paradox. People who make choices in order to be happy seldom
find it, but people who pursue selflessness attain happiness along its
way.
A strange thing that paradox is. And yet I’ve got even more
difficult news for you. The more you become the man I want you to be,
the more this world is going to hate you, the more uncomfortable you
will be here. Seems terrible huh? What kind of dad would want his son
to be hated?
And that, my son, is what the world can’t understand.
So what type of man do I want you to become? I want you to have a
robust faith that drives you to be a man of great character; a man who
gives himself for others, who works to provide for and protect those God
has placed in his care. I want you to be a man who gives up his own
comfort and security to improve the lives of others less fortunate. My
desire is for you to be a husband who treasures his wife as a precious
gift to be nurtured, encouraged, and defended. I desire for you to be a
man who leads others to defend and protect those whom society has cast
aside. I want you to be content with what you have and use it all to
the best of your ability. I want you to be a man of careful conviction,
of humble passion, of unwavering perseverance, and steadfast commitment
to doing the will of God.
Wow, Dad! What in the world is wrong with a guy like that?
Funny you should ask that, son. Because 2000 years ago, the Man who
exemplified that character, the Man who I want you to strive to be like,
was also despised by the world. He was the kindest man who ever
lived. He was the most generous man who ever lived. He was the wisest
man who ever lived. And he was killed by those He came to serve. That
Man, Jesus, actually promised us that if we follow Him, we shouldn’t
expect our lives to be any easier.
Many people will tell you that it is not what you are saying, but how
you are saying it that offends people. While it is true that we should
do our best to be winsome and display highly respectable character, no
matter how compassionate, charitable, winsome, and kind you are, if you
oppose the popular sins of the day you are the enemy. Jesus was the
most compassionate man ever to live and he still faced scorn and mockery
from those he came to love.
So if your happiness isn’t my highest aim, what is?
I want you to be holy, Titus. I want you to love God with all your
heart, soul, mind, and strength; to seek His kingdom first. And along
that path you will find true joy, contentment, and peace; along that
narrow way you will find your ultimate satisfaction in Christ. But
because you seek those things, people are going to hate you. But don’t
be confused when their hate is called “love” and their intolerance is
called “peace”. Don’t be surprised when they call you a bigot or a
homophobe. They will call you a chauvinist or sexist for your beliefs
about gender. You will be mocked for your stance on sexual purity and
you will be scorned for your “close-minded” belief that Jesus is the
only way.
Your faith may cost you job opportunities and your lack of blind
faith in the scientific establishment may cost you educational
advancement. In fact, despite having an excellent education and
attaining spectacular grades, you’ll be considered “dim” for believing
ancient “fairy-tales.” You might even have to pay for your own
education because we aren’t going to be able to afford putting our kids
through college. Despite all the advice from modern financial gurus,
your parents have decided not to start college funds and instead use
that money to give to church, missionaries, and adopt more children.
That looks like foolishness to the world, but our desire is to seek
God’s kingdom first and trust that he’ll take care of the details. It’s
all His money anyway.
I write these things to you, son, so that you will be better prepared
to face the trials of being a child of God. It has become popular in
our modern Christian sub-culture to believe that following Christ brings
you peace and prosperity; ‘Just give your heart to Jesus and your life
will be better. God has a wonderful plan for your life if you would
just trust him.’ Then, we Christians in America go about seeking
comfort and prosperity, by avoiding taking faithful risks that may
result in persecution or trials. No slave is above his master; no
employee above his boss. We shouldn’t expect anything less than what
Jesus received: scorn, shame, mockery, slander.
We live in a scary world where suffering and death are around every
corner; thousands contract terminal illnesses every day, families are
torn apart by unexpected tragedies or selfish pursuits, kindergarten
classes are attacked by deranged killers, countries bomb one another in
never-ending retaliation, kids around the world don’t get to have a mom
or a dad and must beg for food every day. We do, however, have the
incredible blessing of living in a country where we can reasonably
expect to live to old age while rarely having to worry about things
going terribly wrong. I don’t want you to become complacent in our
prosperity or to be ignorant of sin’s effect on the world; it is ugly
and sometimes it seems hopeless, but there is joy and peace to be found.
You will have peace and abundant joy, but it won’t be from the
world. Your peace comes from knowing that no matter how many times you
fall into sin, God no longer holds wrath for you because Jesus took it
upon himself. Your joy comes from knowing that no matter what
circumstances life brings, you have a family in Christ who loves you as
you are and sinless eternity with Jesus awaiting you. But believe me,
Titus, until that time, as you become a more and more godly man you will
be no friend of the world.
You must understand these things now, my child, because it will only
be more difficult if you are unprepared for the hate that Jesus promised
will come our way. You see, our sinful hearts desperately desire the
approval of other people. We want them to accept us just as we are;
sinful stains and all. We want them to approve of all of our choices.
We want the world to think we are just as spectacular as the little
voice in our head tells us we are. So when we are forced to take a
stand for the righteousness of Christ, we are left with a dilemma: seek
the desired approval of men or trust in the promises of God.
Unfortunately for the Christian, they are mutually exclusive, and when
the world opposes you for choosing righteousness, it will hurt. It will
hurt because our pride so wants that approval. We tend to find our
value in believing our identity is in the evaluations of others.
But I have much better news for you, son. Your value is not in what
others think of you or what you accomplish, but in who God says you
are. Your identity is not what political party you belong to or what
your sexual impulses lead you to, but your identity is found in the One
who gave his life for you. Your value is not in your bloodline or in
what others see when they look at you, but your identity is what God
sees when he looks upon you as you cling to him in faith. What does he
see when he looks at one of his children? He sees the perfect obedience
of Jesus; the one whom he loved from eternity pass and will never stop
loving forever into the future.
Is it worth it? Of course! It may be hard to see it now, but 10,000
years from now, when we are just starting to enjoy the glories of
heaven, it will be patently clear. Right now we can be thankful that we
live in a land that allows us many freedoms to worship. We can be
thankful that, at least right now in this place, the extent of our
persecution is spiteful name-calling and character slander. We can
enjoy the wondrous creation that God asked us to care for and delight in
the beauty of relationships with a world of interesting people. Until
our time for glory comes, we look through the glass dimly and trust God
when he says the place he prepares for us is incredible beyond our
current understanding.
It may be a long time before you understand what I am telling you,
but as I experience these same trials and worry about what this crazy
world will do with my children, I beg God to use it all to shape you
into a godly man. You are a tiny boy now who thinks the world is no
bigger than the room you are in. I love to hold you in my arms and make
you giggle, entering your little world and forgetting for a moment the
one in which we live. But it would be foolish for me to not be thinking
and praying about the man I am here to help you become. I pray
fervently that you will overcome the world and be a man of great
character and faith.
I look forward with great anticipation to seeing the man God shapes you to be. May you persevere to the end.
With abundant joy,
Daddy
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