Three and a half years ago we were blessed with the most precious little girl in our family. Little Gracie is (in this father’s opinion) the cutest girl the world has ever seen and having her in our lives has been a humbling and joyful experience. Shortly after she was born we began talking about our next child and were led by God’s Spirit to look into adoption. We thought it would be another neat way to expand our family while also standing up for the lives of the unborn children in need of homes. We had no idea how small our understanding of God’s work adoption was.
We began the process of adoption when Grace had just turned one. We had planned on trying to have our children two years apart and were told that the average time to placement should be less than a year; which would be according to our plan. Have you ever come to the place in your life where you realize that God laughs at your plans?
Two and a half years. We had no idea it would take two and a half years to welcome our son home. It was the longest and most painful period of our lives ending in one of the most joyous moments of God’s sovereignty being put on display for our eyes to behold. Multiple times we thought we were about to bring a child home, only to receive a phone call saying things turned against us. We prepared our hearts and home to receive children that may be born with health issues or disabilities – falling in love with the children we had yet to meet – only to have our softened hearts stabbed with pain again and again. We began to wonder what was wrong with our family that nobody would want a child in our home. We began to fear where we were yet to be humbled before God felt we were ready for this special child. Few of our friends and family really understood the wait and the pain we had so frequently experienced. It often felt like we were alone in this dark valley.
The waiting was not all in vain, however. It’s often through your moments of greatest weakness that God reveals His greatest strengths. We look back at the people we were when we started the process and are thankful that God used the experience to sanctify us; to make us more holy. We were made to be more patient; made to find joy in Him in all circumstances; made to love His people more; made to reconcile relationships and empathize more with those who are hurting. Best of all, God revealed to us His own glorious kindness in the gospel through adoption.
Before the foundation of the world, God had a plan to seek out those wandering in the darkness longing for a spiritual Father and to make them His own. He sent His Son to pay the ransom on our heads so that He could make us who were once His enemies into His beloved children. While we were not born into the family of God with the rights that only Jesus Himself can claim, God has given us new life in Him and a promised eternal inheritance that Christ earned for us. We were orphans in this broken world and despite doing nothing to earn God’s pity or favor, He took us orphans into His spiritual family and promises us the riches of His kingdom as though we were born into His family. God has used the picture of adoption to show His love for us; our journey was much bigger than we realized.
This is the truth that we clung to in order to endure the pain and frustration of the adoption wait. How much did He have to pay in order to bring me into His family? How long did He wait until we were ready to be made His children? From before the world was established, He had this eye-blink in time planned out for His glory. He knew the glory He was about to reveal in our home.
On Tuesday, June 5th our son Titus was born; yet that
wasn’t his name because we didn’t know about him. We had gone a couple
months without any news from our adoption agencies and quite a bit
longer without any hopeful news. Finally, the month of May brought a
glimmer of hope as there was some interest in our profile from Utah.
But that hope began to dwindle as the decision was delayed a couple
times. But when you have been waiting so long and left disappointed so
many times, you cling to that hope like there will never be another
chance. But there was another chance…and another…and another.After months of walking through the destitute wilderness, we seemed to stumble upon an oasis of adoption hope. This had to be the moment when our fortunes turned. We were told on Monday, June 4th that on Wednesday one birth mother would be making a decision and another would be coming in to look at our profile. Both situations would place a baby in our home within the next couple weeks. How do you get anything done at work or home when your world is about to change in a couple weeks. Did I say a couple weeks?
Wednesday morning the expected phone call came; yet it wasn’t as expected. Our case worker said that a baby that we weren’t expecting until the following week born was born on Tuesday. She said his birth mother liked our profile and wanted to meet us that night; we would be able to take the baby home tomorrow. Hold Everything! Our long wait has come to an abrupt end.
I called my wife that morning to share some of the best news of our lives. She was expecting a phone call from me that day as we were awaiting a report from the other situation. When she answered the phone she asked, “Do you have some good news for me?”
How long have I prayed to be able to bless my wife with the following question: “Do you want to go meet your son tonight?”
She broke down in tears; releasing all of the emotion that has been built up over the last couple of years. Our three year old daughter – not understanding what was happening – tried to console her with kind words, “It’s okay Mommy.”
When she gained composure, the two of them quickly realized how
much work needed to be done at home to prepare for the arrival of a
baby. The nursery – which was closed off and ignored because it too
much reminded us of our pain – had to be cleaned out. We made a list of
all the things we needed to survive a couple nights before we would
have time to go shopping for more.Then finally we drove to the hospital with our future family addition waiting for us. How were our lives about to change? Who were these people interested in meeting us? Why us?
Meeting the birth mother and her family was an extremely emotional experience. We were so anxious; nervous about meeting their expectations and excited about seeing our newest family member. We spent an hour getting to know the birth family and sharing a bit about ourselves. We were truly a match made in heaven. We felt comfortable with one another and totally confident that this relationship would work out for the good of all of us; baby, birth mom, and us.
Because the baby needed to stay in the hospital one more night, we were sent to a hotel and asked to return in the morning to finalize the paperwork and pick up our son. Before checking in, we ran to the store to pick up some diapers, a new car seat and an outfit to take him home in. We also quickly ran to the jewelry store to purchase a birthstone necklace for the birth mom to remember her courageous decision to give him life and seek out a good family. Then we retired to the hotel. How do you sleep at night when you have been running on pure adrenaline all day? We might have gotten an hour of sleep.
The morning couldn’t have come soon enough. We promptly arrived back at the hospital to finish the adoption paperwork. Overnight, the social workers prepared a nice ceremony for us to mark the birth family’s entrustment of this new life into our family. It was to symbolize the decision and an opportunity to share how important this event was in all our lives. We may have lost a gallon of tears in this short 15 minutes. At the same time it was an incredibly joyous moment for our family and heart-wrenching moment for the birth family. What we came to understand was that we weren’t simply gaining a son, but another extended family. We will be forever linked with this family and we are thankful to God for more people to love and be loved by.
The moment had finally come that we got to head home. We were asked to follow some hospital discharge protocol and then given the okay to leave. It felt so strange to walk into the hospital with empty hands and head home with a baby boy in the back seat. Smiles were frozen on our faces the entire way home. We kept looking back to see if he was really there. “Can you believe we have a son?!” Titus Alexander was now a member of our home; the boy God had prepared all along to be joined with our family; a man in training. What an honor! What a responsibility!
It would take a couple days for the reality to settle in (a few sleepless nights of feeding and rocking will make reality hit pretty quickly). But the excitement had just begun. We had plenty of adrenaline left in us. And besides, not a single person in our lives knew what we had been up to the last couple of days. So the fun began.
We drove out to my in-laws home with our little surprise and brought grandma to tears with news she never expected. We drove an hour and a half to my parents’ home and surprised them at work. It was such a blessing to be able to let all of the sadness of our hearts melt away with our parents as we celebrated together the arrival of Titus; this gift from God.
We’ve been home a couple weeks now. Our eyes still fill with tears when we think about the events of June 6th or as we read through the 200 pages of journaling we took while we waited for God to work all things together for Titus to come home. We are settling in as a family and finding how life happens with two kids; already wondering what other blessings God has in store for our future. It has been a tremendous experience to see God work all of this out. In sending us Titus, He answered a dozen different prayers. He abundantly provided the funding we needed when we weren’t sure how an adoption could be afforded. He encouraged others in our lives who have had struggles of their own. He allowed us to bless others with our treasures and has provided many opportunities to speak of His goodness. It all makes sense now. When a storm overcomes your life it is hard to see what good it is for you, but when it passes, His glory shines even brighter as you see how He used it to wash away the selfish pride in your life and experience His hand.
Soli Deo Gloria!
~ Adam and Molly
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