Let Go of Your Plans and Follow Me

While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. 
(Matthew 4:18-20, ESV)

---

I am a trained and license civil engineer.  That should give you a little bit of a clue into how my mind works. Logic, organization, planning, responsibility, facts, and action are my best friends.  As a highway engineer, I can spend years planning and designing a road project that will only impact the community for a summer. 
Bigger projects can take ten years of planning, coordinating, designing, and calculating in order to get just the right project for construction.  I am a meticulous researcher and planner, and I don't make decisions without plenty of both.

When my wife was pregnant with our first child, we budgeted every dollar to determine if we could afford her staying home.  We planned the next few years of our lives; saving up money, having kids every two years, paying off the house in ten years, building a new house right afterward.  We had our life planned out.

But in the back of my mind, I always felt God calling me to something different.  Since becoming a Christian, I have loved reading and teaching about our faith.  I've taught Sunday School classes, youth groups, small group Bible studies, led prayer meetings, and even preached in church a few times.  I desired to be full-time in ministry, but when I looked at the ten-year plan I couldn't see how it would fit in.

When God said, "Follow me," I said, let me see if it fits into my schedule.

Then, instead of waiting for me to get the point, God started to unravel our plans and take away the things we felt comfortable with.  The babies aren't spaced apart as we had planned, adopting and caring for others cut into our savings and forward payments on the house, and an opportunity arose to get to seminary.  Yet, it wasn't an opportunity as I would have planned it.

To be honest, I really have no idea how it is going to work out.  Yes, I have a basic outline of all the things that need to happen in the next few months: 1) sell house, 2) find a temporary home, 3) have a baby, 4) find a new home in Minneapolis, 5) find a part-time job with health benefits and a high enough wage to pay for a home, a family of five and a seminary education.

Yep.  That's the plan.  I look at that plan and think to myself, "This is not how you operate.  You plan every minutia.  How can you move forward without a detailed plan?"

But God has taught me something over the last few years: while it is good to be prepared, you have far less control over your life than you think.  When He leads you to do something, you take the steps forward in obedience and trust that He will provide what is necessary to see you through.

This all reminds me of how Jesus called His disciples.  I always marveled at that story; marveled at how short
it was; how quickly the disciples dropped everything.  There they were one day doing what they were good at - making a living for their families - and Jesus says to them, "Hey guys.  You are done fishing.  Leave it all behind and follow me."  And they did!  The verse says "immediately they left their nets and followed..."

They didn't think about it.  They didn't ponder the consequences.  They didn't budget for the next few years of ministry.  They didn't line up a list of donors to support their cause.  They didn't go home first to pray about it.  They didn't even clean up from the work they were doing.  "Immediately they left their nets and followed."

Sometimes this step into this new journey feels like that.  I have no idea where I am going to end up.  I have no idea how I am going to get there.  Only God knows how he will provide for my family.  He is just telling me to follow and I must have faith that He will provide for my obedience.

I fear that I don't have the same faith that those fishermen -> called disciples had.  But like the father of the boy with unclean spirits cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief!"