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We live in a fast culture.  We want everything and we want it right now.  Pull your car up to a window and get an entire meal for your family in less than two minutes.  We can get 100 Mbps internet in our home that allows us to download an entire high definition movie in 2 minutes.  Smart phones allow us to have instant communication with anyone in anyplace whenever we feel like it.  Entire libraries worth of information are at our fingertips as we sit at a downtown bus stop.

Because of these blessings, we have become an impatient people.  We have little time for those who might slow us down.  Driver stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire?  No time to help when we are already late for work.  Just need to stop into the store to pick up a couple things?  Delayed three minutes because a 70 year old woman has 12 items in the ten-items-or-less express lane...and she's writing a check!

It is especially frustrating to have to slow down when you've got every minute of your next two months planned out and God has a different plan.  It reveals what's in my heart when I am impatient with others throughout my day, but it really shows my lack of faith when God tells me to wait and I can't sit still and trust Him.

Right now I see a hundred things that need to get done in the next few months to get settled in to our new life in Minneapolis.  I need to find money to pay for everything.  I need to find a part-time job.  I need to find a home to live in.  I need to figure out how to get moved up there and when would be the best time.  I need to get some books, and maybe a new computer.  I need to pass a Greek exam.  There are details of each of these things that I am ready to get going on figuring out.

I've said before that I am a planner and a doer.  I see what needs to be done, formulate a plan, and work hard to achieve excellent results.  So when God tells me to wait, it is hard for me to sit still.  I feel like I am wasting time.  I feel like I'm ready to start the game, but the computer is slowly stretching that little bar across the screen saying, "Loading..."

Sometimes life is "hurry up and wait."  For one entire summer, Molly and I prepared for our adoption.  We read all the required books, took the training courses, and finished our home study in near record time.  And then we waited for two years for God to bring us our son.  We scrambled for a few weeks to get our house ready to be put on the market, and now we wait for God to bring the right buyer.  We are within days of our baby being born.  Everything is set up to be ready for her arrival; kids have a place to stay for a couple days, house ready to be shown while we are out, the bags are packed for a couple days in the hospital; and now we wait.

It's hard to wait when I see all that needs to get done, but I too easily forget that God is sovereign over every detail.  I too easily get focused on the next step that I forget to be content with where I am right now; to enjoy this very moment.  God has been so good to me up to now (obviously better than I deserve since I continually doubt His good providence), why should I question His ability to provide for all that needs to be done as we take a step of faith in order to know Him better?

These words from Jesus need to be stapled to my forehead to remind me daily that He is good and He will provide what is necessary for my obedience:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Passing the Greek Entrance Exam

There was one contingency in my acceptance to Bethlehem College and Seminary, that I must be able to pass a first year Greek exam. If you've been preparing to go to seminary by going to Bible college this may not be a big deal.  Or if your pastor seems to give a mini Greek lesson in every sermon.  For me, however, I was starting fresh.  The only Greek I really knew was what I learned in engineering school.

p = 3.14159

S - symbol for a series of equations

D - designates a change in value

m - symbol for micro-units

t - torsion

Turns out, people used to actually use these symbols to make words and communicate, not just to do math.  And since the New Testament was written in Greek, I guess it's a good idea to be able to understand it to better understand what the writers were trying to communicate.

So I set out to learn Greek, as quickly and cheaply as possible.  I didn't have time to attend a class and I didn't have money to pay for one either.  But due to my impeccable research abilities, I figured I could find some good free resources online.  You can find anything online, and most of it is true, too!

 My first try was this free flash-based class from Gordon College.

After a while, the woodenness of the flash video just became a little tedious.  Plus, there just wasn't much interaction with the Scriptures to make me feel like I was accomplishing much.  I got through the first 2 chapters and decided to move on.  I did learn the alphabet from him, however, and his recitation pattern is the one I know when reciting the alphabet.

Someone posted on YouTube an entire set of videos recorded during their New Testament Greek class with Jeff Jenkins.  This seemed like it would work well, as it was a little more interactive (at least with the people in the video) and real life.  For a while, I really enjoyed this.  However, I again had to quit as I didn't have the ability to interact with the materials he was referring to (books and worksheets).  I eventually fell behind what he was teaching and wasn't able to refer to anything else to get my questions answered.

I thought I was in trouble or would finally have to fork over the money to get a real koine Greek education.  Then, during my visit to BCS last fall, I met a first-year student, Brad Aust, who had the same challenge as me when he was first accepted.  He suggested I get a hold of the Greek I and Greek II DVDs from Gordon Conwell's Online Seminary program.  At $50 bucks a piece, it was better than spending a few hundred bucks for a full class. Even better than that, Brad let me borrow his Greek I disc, so all I needed was to purchase the Greek II disc.  Now we're talkin'!

Unfortunately, Dr. Hafemann's DVD courses are based on Mounce's Basics of Biblical Greek; a book which I did not have and would need to purchase also. Plus, the homework is all from Mounce's workbook, which would cost extra as well.

But hooray for friends!  I put a call out on facebook for a copy to borrow, and sure enough, one of my newest friends said I could borrow both her textbook and the workbook.  Of course, I would need to keep my  notes and homework in a separate notebook, but in order to save a ton of money, it was worth the trouble.  She even had a copy of Mounce's Graded Reader I could borrow, which would get me more into the Scriptures as I learned.  This made it feel like the work was worth it and pushed me to continue.

After four months of studying, listening, and practicing, I took a practice test to prepare for the entrance exam.  I passed with flying colors!  Yess!  I'm in (I still have to take the official test proctored by someone who is not my wife).

Thank you Lord for the generosity of some new friends.

Along the way, I picked up a few more resources which helped me with parsing and vocabulary.  These were probably more helpful than I have time or space to give them credit for.

• Parse Greek App - I loaded this app onto my Kindle Fire from the Amazon Store.  It has all of the vocabulary from multiple curricula (including Mounce) and every possible parsing of each word.  It quizzes you by giving you a word and you choose the parsing details.
• Bible Flashcards App - I had to sideload this onto my Kindle Fire since it isn't available in the Amazon app store.  This app is simply a flashcard app for all the vocabulary from multiple Greek curricula.  There are a few spelling and accenting errors in the program, so you need to keep your eyes open.
• Biblical Greek: QUIA Games - I love playing the memory games on this site.  It moves things around a bit so you aren't always stuck with the same old flashcards.  You can choose the vocab to study by word type or frequency.  This helped me learn words down to 26 occurrences for the exam (which tests down to 30)
• BiblicalTraining.org - Mounce put some free lectures online for each chapter of his book.  It wasn't the most helpful, but it was good just to hear the information again from someone else after reading it myself.
• Audio of Greek New Testament - sometimes it is helpful to just read and listen through the New Testament just to get familiar with the words and the syntax; even if you don't understand it.  I found this exciting to listen to; as I began to learn more and more I started to understand more of what I was listening to while following along in my Greek New Testament.
• Quizlet - Many people created various flashcard sets on this site which were quite helpful.  The link is to the prepositions set that helped me when I struggled with the prepositions with different case endings.
• Greek Drills - This site is a wealth of information.  I liked how it organized its charts for various case ending and explained the morphology of some of the endings.  The self-test was especially helpful in preparing me for the entrance exam.
•  Polis Koine - I can't wait until this program is available in English.  I watched the sample videos and was astounded by how much I was learning by watching the entire class operate in Greek.  This is the way everyone should learn Greek, not through boring grammar/syntax study and rote vocabulary memorization.
• Living Koine Greek - Since finishing up with Mounce, I've continued to refine my understanding with this program.  The pronunciation is different than Mounce (supposedly more historically accurate for the koine period), but still, a much more natural way to learn.  This is a fun way to learn another language.
  

My Dear Son Titus,...

Last year I was privileged to experience the "love" and "tolerance" of the current culture by being on the wrong side of a mob verbal lashing for my perspective on marriage and religion.  It was quite the eye-opening experience and one that I am thankful God used to grow me into a more patient and compassionate teacher.  This experience happened just after my son Titus joined our family and I was thinking a lot about what kind of man I wanted him to become; what kind of character do I want him to develop.  And as I thought about the godly man I want to train him to be, I began to realize that the more godly he becomes, the more the world will hate him.  So I wrote this letter to him thinking through those thoughts.

---

My dear Titus; my apprentice in manhood and faith; my son,

You must be the happiest child I have ever seen.  You are always smiling; always giggling.  When I enter a room and you look up to see me, your face lights up.  When I start to sing a song, the corners of your mouth curl up while your eyes beg to be able to sing along.  We have hundreds of pictures of you already and I swear you are flashing that big gummy smile in every one of them.  When we carry you around in public places, you light up dreary faces with your big grin.

But I want you to know, son, that as much as I love to see you smile and want it to last as long as possible, my goal as your father is not your happiness.

You see, this is a strange world we live in where so many people are pursuing their own happiness, and despite so much prosperity, nobody can seem to find it.  There is even a philosophical term for it: The Pleasure Paradox.  People who make choices in order to be happy seldom find it, but people who pursue selflessness attain happiness along its way.

A strange thing that paradox is.  And yet I’ve got even more difficult news for you.  The more you become the man I want you to be, the more this world is going to hate you, the more uncomfortable you will be here.  Seems terrible huh?  What kind of dad would want his son to be hated?

And that, my son, is what the world can’t understand.

So what type of man do I want you to become?  I want you to have a robust faith that drives you to be a man of great character; a man who gives himself for others, who works to provide for and protect those God has placed in his care.  I want you to be a man who gives up his own comfort and security to improve the lives of others less fortunate.  My desire is for you to be a husband who treasures his wife as a precious gift to be nurtured, encouraged, and defended.  I desire for you to be a man who leads others to defend and protect those whom society has cast aside.  I want you to be content with what you have and use it all to the best of your ability.  I want you to be a man of careful conviction, of humble passion, of unwavering perseverance, and steadfast commitment to doing the will of God.

Wow, Dad!  What in the world is wrong with a guy like that?

Funny you should ask that, son.  Because 2000 years ago, the Man who exemplified that character, the Man who I want you to strive to be like, was also despised by the world.  He was the kindest man who ever lived.  He was the most generous man who ever lived.  He was the wisest man who ever lived.  And he was killed by those He came to serve.  That Man, Jesus, actually promised us that if we follow Him, we shouldn’t expect our lives to be any easier.

Many people will tell you that it is not what you are saying, but how you are saying it that offends people.  While it is true that we should do our best to be winsome and display highly respectable character, no matter how compassionate, charitable, winsome, and kind you are, if you oppose the popular sins of the day you are the enemy.  Jesus was the most compassionate man ever to live and he still faced scorn and mockery from those he came to love.

So if your happiness isn’t my highest aim, what is?

I want you to be holy, Titus.  I want you to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; to seek His kingdom first.  And along that path you will find true joy, contentment, and peace; along that narrow way you will find your ultimate satisfaction in Christ.  But because you seek those things, people are going to hate you.  But don’t be confused when their hate is called “love” and their intolerance is called “peace”.  Don’t be surprised when they call you a bigot or a homophobe.  They will call you a chauvinist or sexist for your beliefs about gender.  You will be mocked for your stance on sexual purity and you will be scorned for your “close-minded” belief that Jesus is the only way.

Your faith may cost you job opportunities and your lack of blind faith in the scientific establishment may cost you educational advancement.  In fact, despite having an excellent education and attaining spectacular grades, you’ll be considered “dim” for believing ancient “fairy-tales.”  You might even have to pay for your own education because we aren’t going to be able to afford putting our kids through college.  Despite all the advice from modern financial gurus, your parents have decided not to start college funds and instead use that money to give to church, missionaries, and adopt more children.  That looks like foolishness to the world, but our desire is to seek God’s kingdom first and trust that he’ll take care of the details.  It’s all His money anyway.

I write these things to you, son, so that you will be better prepared to face the trials of being a child of God.  It has become popular in our modern Christian sub-culture to believe that following Christ brings you peace and prosperity; ‘Just give your heart to Jesus and your life will be better.  God has a wonderful plan for your life if you would just trust him.’  Then, we Christians in America go about seeking comfort and prosperity, by avoiding taking faithful risks that may result in persecution or trials.  No slave is above his master; no employee above his boss.  We shouldn’t expect anything less than what Jesus received: scorn, shame, mockery, slander.

We live in a scary world where suffering and death are around every corner; thousands contract terminal illnesses every day, families are torn apart by unexpected tragedies or selfish pursuits, kindergarten classes are attacked by deranged killers, countries bomb one another in never-ending retaliation, kids around the world don’t get to have a mom or a dad and must beg for food every day.  We do, however, have the incredible blessing of living in a country where we can reasonably expect to live to old age while rarely having to worry about things going terribly wrong.  I don’t want you to become complacent in our prosperity or to be ignorant of sin’s effect on the world; it is ugly and sometimes it seems hopeless, but there is joy and peace to be found.

You will have peace and abundant joy, but it won’t be from the world.  Your peace comes from knowing that no matter how many times you fall into sin, God no longer holds wrath for you because Jesus took it upon himself.  Your joy comes from knowing that no matter what circumstances life brings, you have a family in Christ who loves you as you are and sinless eternity with Jesus awaiting you.  But believe me, Titus, until that time, as you become a more and more godly man you will be no friend of the world.

You must understand these things now, my child, because it will only be more difficult if you are unprepared for the hate that Jesus promised will come our way.  You see, our sinful hearts desperately desire the approval of other people.  We want them to accept us just as we are; sinful stains and all.  We want them to approve of all of our choices.  We want the world to think we are just as spectacular as the little voice in our head tells us we are.  So when we are forced to take a stand for the righteousness of Christ, we are left with a dilemma: seek the desired approval of men or trust in the promises of God.  Unfortunately for the Christian, they are mutually exclusive, and when the world opposes you for choosing righteousness, it will hurt.  It will hurt because our pride so wants that approval.  We tend to find our value in believing our identity is in the evaluations of others.

But I have much better news for you, son.  Your value is not in what others think of you or what you accomplish, but in who God says you are.  Your identity is not what political party you belong to or what your sexual impulses lead you to, but your identity is found in the One who gave his life for you.  Your value is not in your bloodline or in what others see when they look at you, but your identity is what God sees when he looks upon you as you cling to him in faith.  What does he see when he looks at one of his children?  He sees the perfect obedience of Jesus; the one whom he loved from eternity pass and will never stop loving forever into the future.

Is it worth it?  Of course!  It may be hard to see it now, but 10,000 years from now, when we are just starting to enjoy the glories of heaven, it will be patently clear.  Right now we can be thankful that we live in a land that allows us many freedoms to worship.  We can be thankful that, at least right now in this place, the extent of our persecution is spiteful name-calling and character slander.  We can enjoy the wondrous creation that God asked us to care for and delight in the beauty of relationships with a world of interesting people. Until our time for glory comes, we look through the glass dimly and trust God when he says the place he prepares for us is incredible beyond our current understanding.

It may be a long time before you understand what I am telling you, but as I experience these same trials and worry about what this crazy world will do with my children, I beg God to use it all to shape you into a godly man.  You are a tiny boy now who thinks the world is no bigger than the room you are in.  I love to hold you in my arms and make you giggle, entering your little world and forgetting for a moment the one in which we live.  But it would be foolish for me to not be thinking and praying about the man I am here to help you become.  I pray fervently that you will overcome the world and be a man of great character and faith.

I look forward with great anticipation to seeing the man God shapes you to be.  May you persevere to the end.
With abundant joy,

Daddy

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Let Go of Your Plans and Follow Me

While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. 
(Matthew 4:18-20, ESV)

---

I am a trained and license civil engineer.  That should give you a little bit of a clue into how my mind works. Logic, organization, planning, responsibility, facts, and action are my best friends.  As a highway engineer, I can spend years planning and designing a road project that will only impact the community for a summer. 
Bigger projects can take ten years of planning, coordinating, designing, and calculating in order to get just the right project for construction.  I am a meticulous researcher and planner, and I don't make decisions without plenty of both.

When my wife was pregnant with our first child, we budgeted every dollar to determine if we could afford her staying home.  We planned the next few years of our lives; saving up money, having kids every two years, paying off the house in ten years, building a new house right afterward.  We had our life planned out.

But in the back of my mind, I always felt God calling me to something different.  Since becoming a Christian, I have loved reading and teaching about our faith.  I've taught Sunday School classes, youth groups, small group Bible studies, led prayer meetings, and even preached in church a few times.  I desired to be full-time in ministry, but when I looked at the ten-year plan I couldn't see how it would fit in.

When God said, "Follow me," I said, let me see if it fits into my schedule.

Then, instead of waiting for me to get the point, God started to unravel our plans and take away the things we felt comfortable with.  The babies aren't spaced apart as we had planned, adopting and caring for others cut into our savings and forward payments on the house, and an opportunity arose to get to seminary.  Yet, it wasn't an opportunity as I would have planned it.

To be honest, I really have no idea how it is going to work out.  Yes, I have a basic outline of all the things that need to happen in the next few months: 1) sell house, 2) find a temporary home, 3) have a baby, 4) find a new home in Minneapolis, 5) find a part-time job with health benefits and a high enough wage to pay for a home, a family of five and a seminary education.

Yep.  That's the plan.  I look at that plan and think to myself, "This is not how you operate.  You plan every minutia.  How can you move forward without a detailed plan?"

But God has taught me something over the last few years: while it is good to be prepared, you have far less control over your life than you think.  When He leads you to do something, you take the steps forward in obedience and trust that He will provide what is necessary to see you through.

This all reminds me of how Jesus called His disciples.  I always marveled at that story; marveled at how short
it was; how quickly the disciples dropped everything.  There they were one day doing what they were good at - making a living for their families - and Jesus says to them, "Hey guys.  You are done fishing.  Leave it all behind and follow me."  And they did!  The verse says "immediately they left their nets and followed..."

They didn't think about it.  They didn't ponder the consequences.  They didn't budget for the next few years of ministry.  They didn't line up a list of donors to support their cause.  They didn't go home first to pray about it.  They didn't even clean up from the work they were doing.  "Immediately they left their nets and followed."

Sometimes this step into this new journey feels like that.  I have no idea where I am going to end up.  I have no idea how I am going to get there.  Only God knows how he will provide for my family.  He is just telling me to follow and I must have faith that He will provide for my obedience.

I fear that I don't have the same faith that those fishermen -> called disciples had.  But like the father of the boy with unclean spirits cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

Adoption By Grace

It seems God has a thing for giving blessings in little, humble packages.

Three and a half years ago we were blessed with the most precious little girl in our family.  Little Gracie is (in this father’s opinion) the cutest girl the world has ever seen and having her in our lives has been a humbling and joyful experience.  Shortly after she was born we began talking about our next child and were led by God’s Spirit to look into adoption.  We thought it would be another neat way to expand our family while also standing up for the lives of the unborn children in need of homes.  We had no idea how small our understanding of God’s work adoption was.

We began the process of adoption when Grace had just turned one.  We had planned on trying to have our children two years apart and were told that the average time to placement should be less than a year; which would be according to our plan.  Have you ever come to the place in your life where you realize that God laughs at your plans?

Two and a half years.  We had no idea it would take two and a half years to welcome our son home.  It was the longest and most painful period of our lives ending in one of the most joyous moments of God’s sovereignty being put on display for our eyes to behold.  Multiple times we thought we were about to bring a child home, only to receive a phone call saying things turned against us.  We prepared our hearts and home to receive children that may be born with health issues or disabilities – falling in love with the children we had yet to meet – only to have our softened hearts stabbed with pain again and again.  We began to wonder what was wrong with our family that nobody would want a child in our home.  We began to fear where we were yet to be humbled before God felt we were ready for this special child.  Few of our friends and family really understood the wait and the pain we had so frequently experienced.  It often felt like we were alone in this dark valley.

The waiting was not all in vain, however.  It’s often through your moments of greatest weakness that God reveals His greatest strengths.  We look back at the people we were when we started the process and are thankful that God used the experience to sanctify us; to make us more holy.  We were made to be more patient; made to find joy in Him in all circumstances; made to love His people more; made to reconcile relationships and empathize more with those who are hurting.  Best of all, God revealed to us His own glorious kindness in the gospel through adoption.

Before the foundation of the world, God had a plan to seek out those wandering in the darkness longing for a spiritual Father and to make them His own.  He sent His Son to pay the ransom on our heads so that He could make us who were once His enemies into His beloved children.  While we were not born into the family of God with the rights that only Jesus Himself can claim, God has given us new life in Him and a promised eternal inheritance that Christ earned for us.  We were orphans in this broken world and despite doing nothing to earn God’s pity or favor, He took us orphans into His spiritual family and promises us the riches of His kingdom as though we were born into His family.  God has used the picture of adoption to show His love for us; our journey was much bigger than we realized.

This is the truth that we clung to in order to endure the pain and frustration of the adoption wait.  How much did He have to pay in order to bring me into His family?  How long did He wait until we were ready to be made His children?  From before the world was established, He had this eye-blink in time planned out for His glory.  He knew the glory He was about to reveal in our home.

On Tuesday, June 5^th our son Titus was born; yet that wasn’t his name because we didn’t know about him.  We had gone a couple months without any news from our adoption agencies and quite a bit longer without any hopeful news.  Finally, the month of May brought a glimmer of hope as there was some interest in our profile from Utah.  But that hope began to dwindle as the decision was delayed a couple times.  But when you have been waiting so long and left disappointed so many times, you cling to that hope like there will never be another chance.  But there was another chance…and another…and another.

After months of walking through the destitute wilderness, we seemed to stumble upon an oasis of adoption hope.  This had to be the moment when our fortunes turned.  We were told on Monday, June 4^th that on Wednesday one birth mother would be making a decision and another would be coming in to look at our profile.  Both situations would place a baby in our home within the next couple weeks.  How do you get anything done at work or home when your world is about to change in a couple weeks.  Did I say a couple weeks?

Wednesday morning the expected phone call came; yet it wasn’t as expected.  Our case worker said that a baby that we weren’t expecting until the following week born was born on Tuesday.  She said his birth mother liked our profile and wanted to meet us that night; we would be able to take the baby home tomorrow.  Hold Everything!  Our long wait has come to an abrupt end.

I called my wife that morning to share some of the best news of our lives.  She was expecting a phone call from me that day as we were awaiting a report from the other situation.  When she answered the phone she asked, “Do you have some good news for me?”

How long have I prayed to be able to bless my wife with the following question: “Do you want to go meet your son tonight?”

She broke down in tears; releasing all of the emotion that has been built up over the last couple of years.  Our three year old daughter – not understanding what was happening – tried to console her with kind words, “It’s okay Mommy.”


When she gained composure, the two of them quickly realized how much work needed to be done at home to prepare for the arrival of a baby.  The nursery – which was closed off and ignored because it too much reminded us of our pain – had to be cleaned out.  We made a list of all the things we needed to survive a couple nights before we would have time to go shopping for more.

Then finally we drove to the hospital with our future family addition waiting for us.  How were our lives about to change?  Who were these people interested in meeting us?  Why us?

Meeting the birth mother and her family was an extremely emotional experience.  We were so anxious; nervous about meeting their expectations and excited about seeing our newest family member.  We spent an hour getting to know the birth family and sharing a bit about ourselves.  We were truly a match made in heaven.  We felt comfortable with one another and totally confident that this relationship would work out for the good of all of us; baby, birth mom, and us.

Because the baby needed to stay in the hospital one more night, we were sent to a hotel and asked to return in the morning to finalize the paperwork and pick up our son.  Before checking in, we ran to the store to pick up some diapers, a new car seat and an outfit to take him home in.  We also quickly ran to the jewelry store to purchase a birthstone necklace for the birth mom to remember her courageous decision to give him life and seek out a good family.  Then we retired to the hotel.  How do you sleep at night when you have been running on pure adrenaline all day?  We might have gotten an hour of sleep.

The morning couldn’t have come soon enough.  We promptly arrived back at the hospital to finish the adoption paperwork.  Overnight, the social workers prepared a nice ceremony for us to mark the birth family’s entrustment of this new life into our family.  It was to symbolize the decision and an opportunity to share how important this event was in all our lives.  We may have lost a gallon of tears in this short 15 minutes.  At the same time it was an incredibly joyous moment for our family and heart-wrenching moment for the birth family.  What we came to understand was that we weren’t simply gaining a son, but another extended family.  We will be forever linked with this family and we are thankful to God for more people to love and be loved by.

The moment had finally come that we got to head home.  We were asked to follow some hospital discharge protocol and then given the okay to leave.  It felt so strange to walk into the hospital with empty hands and head home with a baby boy in the back seat.  Smiles were frozen on our faces the entire way home.  We kept looking back to see if he was really there.  “Can you believe we have a son?!”  Titus Alexander was now a member of our home; the boy God had prepared all along to be joined with our family; a man in training.  What an honor!  What a responsibility!

It would take a couple days for the reality to settle in (a few sleepless nights of feeding and rocking will make reality hit pretty quickly).  But the excitement had just begun.  We had plenty of adrenaline left in us.  And besides, not a single person in our lives knew what we had been up to the last couple of days.  So the fun began.

We drove out to my in-laws home with our little surprise and brought grandma to tears with news she never expected.  We drove an hour and a half to my parents’ home and surprised them at work.  It was such a blessing to be able to let all of the sadness of our hearts melt away with our parents as we celebrated together the arrival of Titus; this gift from God.

We’ve been home a couple weeks now.  Our eyes still fill with tears when we think about the events of June 6^th or as we read through the 200 pages of journaling we took while we waited for God to work all things together for Titus to come home.  We are settling in as a family and finding how life happens with two kids; already wondering what other blessings God has in store for our future.  It has been a tremendous experience to see God work all of this out.  In sending us Titus, He answered a dozen different prayers.  He abundantly provided the funding we needed when we weren’t sure how an adoption could be afforded.  He encouraged others in our lives who have had struggles of their own.  He allowed us to bless others with our treasures and has provided many opportunities to speak of His goodness.  It all makes sense now.  When a storm overcomes your life it is hard to see what good it is for you, but when it passes, His glory shines even brighter as you see how He used it to wash away the selfish pride in your life and experience His hand.


Soli Deo Gloria!

~ Adam and Molly

Why this blog?

Just over six years ago my wife and I joined Emmanuel Baptist Church in Rochester, MN with the intention of settling into a nice small-town life, having a large handful of children, and participating in some enjoyable ministry opportunities.  We had good jobs and the most beautiful first home (sorry hun that we will likely not be able to live like again that for a long time).  The church was growing and we were making great new friends to share life with and raise kids together.  But as has become a great theme in our lives over the past few years, God had different plans for us and it would require a little shaking to get us to realize that.

Over the course of our time at EBC, it began to be clear to us that God was preparing us for something else.  He had something better in mind than a comfortable, small-town life; but he would use the people at Emmanuel to prepare us for that new life. Emmanuel Baptist Church would become more than just the people we enjoyed hanging out with, but the family that we came to love facing trials together; the people God would use to make us better suited for ministry.

The year of 2011 is a year we refer to affectionately as "the year of suck" but it was a year that God used to break us down and prepare us to be lifted back up into a new faithfulness.  A year that saw physical pain, relational heartbreak, tragedy, personal anguish, and a struggling church.

It began in January with the most bizarre, unexpected event. While playing on the floor with my 2 year old daughter, I attempted to stand up from a squatting position, and instead locked my knee; shredding my right lateral meniscus in the process.  It was the most pain I have ever felt and I was immediately turned into a useless lump of flesh on the floor.  My wife required the most strength she had ever known to lift me up onto the couch and eventually get me to the Emergency Room.  It required surgery that would put me down for three weeks, leave me on crutches for three months, and not allow me to walk in anything but a straight line for six months.  I am thankful for modern medicine and doctors who were able to fix me up so I can walk again today.  I realize that if the same thing happened a hundred or more years ago, I would simply walk with a significant limp with a walker or be in a wheelchair.  Thankfully I can play in the yard with my children again, but not without a clicking reminder in my knee that God can change my plans at any moment.

While recovering from my knee surgery, early that Spring, my pastor called me into his office.  This wasn't anything unusual.  I had spent regular time in his office.  Multiple times a week I would stop by the church to ask questions about a topic I was studying, a book I was reading, or a ministry idea I had.  Pastor Kevin was my mentor and my friend.  He invested time in me to help me become a better man, a better husband, and a better father.  Kevin saw leadership potential in me and encouraged every opportunity to develop that potential into something useful in God's church.  When I was showing my immaturity or weakness, he did not hesitate to rebuke me and hold me accountable to a higher standard for Christian ministry.  I respected him dearly and would have gone into battle in any fight right by his side.  But he chose a different path, weary of the battle he faced as a pastor and ready for something else. He called me into his office to tell me he was resigning. I was shocked.  I didn't know what I would do.  The man who I depended on to guide me in my next steps wouldn't be there anymore.  My plan to grow under his leadership for the next few years had just been tossed aside.  But God's plan was for me to step forward and be willing to lead and apply what Kevin had taught me as EBC sought a new direction.

As the year of 2011 went on, it didn't get any easier.  It hadn't started out well, be we wanted to finish it well.  So we doubled our efforts and ramped up our prayer.  We had begun the adoption process to add a second child to our family and it seemed every month we were led close to a child and our hopes destroyed when either tragedy hit or another family was chosen.  Told that the average wait for a domestic adoption is 9-12 months, by the end of 2011 we realized that it was going to take far longer than that.  Each adoption rejection added to the pain we experienced that year.  We begged God to turn things around for us and make the end of the year worth all of the struggles.  And suddenly, a phone call confirmed that those prayers would not be answered.  A good friend and brother at Emmanuel had been tragically killed in a logging accident.  He was the greatest encourager we knew and his enthusiasm was infectious to our family and to the church in a time when we really needed it.  It was a bittersweet time as this man who loved Jesus out loud, got to be with Him face-to-face.  The church continued to struggle to find its identity without a pastor and with competing visions for the future.  2011 came and went and we were glad to see it go.

But all of that happened in God's purpose and timing. When you are in the midst of a trial, it seems like the worst possible thing that you will never escape from.  Now, a couple years later, we see God's hand all over it.  We see the maturity gained through patient endurance.  We see the love for brothers and sisters developed through closed door passionate debate.  We now are able to identify better with people who are in pain.  And most of all, we see that God's plans are far better than our own.  And when He says "Wait," He wants you to calm down and wait.  When He says "Go," He wants you to stop debating how it will work and just go.

That is where we are today.  For a couple years He taught us how to wait.  During that time we fought with Him about wanting to go.  But He made us wait.  And now He is telling us to go.  Everything up to this time has led us to Bethlehem College and Seminary to be trained for God-glorifying passionate ministry.  Looking back we see His hand all over our waiting as He was orchestrating events in order to tell us to go.  And now that He has said "GO!" we are arguing with Him about how it will work; how we want Him to show us the plan before we start taking steps.  Thank God for loving me despite my hard heart and head.

So the purpose of this blog is to journal how God provides for us over the next few years through Seminary; to show how God is changing us through the experience and through the education.  I intend to update it regularly with lessons learned right in the classroom, as well as lessons learned while applying that knowledge to ministry in Minneapolis and wherever else He takes us.  Right now we don't see how we are going to pay for it all, where we are going to live, and what we will look like in the end but we know that our God is big and when He tells you to go He will provide the necessary resources to be obedient.  And just as Jehoshaphat fell before the Lord ready to go, but not knowing what to do, I start this journey with my eyes on God ready for Him to show His mighty hand.