Providence

prov·i·dence

 [prov-i-duhns]

noun

1. the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2. God, especially when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.

The longer we are here, the harder it will be convincing me that God is not in control of everything, even the desires of people.  It's not because I am immersed in a school that is solid on the sovereignty of God (I am), but because I have never experienced God's hand of provision so personally before.

The first year of seminary has been a wild ride already; as is evidenced by my lack of posting since last fall.  Being a good husband and father is a lot of work apart from trying to be a civil engineer and full-time masters student at the same time.  On top of all that, our housing situation wasn't exactly what many would call easy living.  We shared that house with two other small families, which certainly created many opportunities for sanctification.  It was a crazy year and I can now begin to see how God was using it for our good.

• Living so close with others revealed weaknesses in us for the Spirit to overcome.
• Our marriage became more of a priority than it was before we moved.
• I learned how old houses are constructed and got many opportunities to use my hands to build a better home.
• We were strategically located to serve a few travelers and wanderers with our home.
• We learned how to deal with conflict and work toward resolving it without running or hiding.
• I was given multiple opportunities to speak with hurting souls on my bus rides.

The year was a roller coaster ride of trying to find our identity.  It didn't take long to realize that all the other guys here were the passionate Bible teacher guys at their previous churches.  But here it is not as clear what makes each of us unique.  It took a long time to settle back into my identity as a child of God, a husband to Molly, and daddy to three adorable kids.  I tried to be preacher guy for a bit (that didn't work).  I tried to be everybody's best friend (that was exhausting).  I tried to be networking guy (I forgot I'm an introvert).  But now I am beginning to develop a vision for what God is doing with us here.

Classes have been amazing.  Two hours of classes with the godliest men I've ever known and complete freedom to ask questions.  Our instructors are so kind, gentle, humble, confident, and passionate about what they teach.  In the same class they make you frustrated about how much you don't know yet, but also build excitement to want to gain that knowledge.  They don't just leave you with encyclopedic knowledge but wrestle and weep with you as you learn struggling to know how to apply it to real people.  It was a humbling, challenging, and exciting experience.  I'm very satisfied with my first year grades; I even ended up with a couple A-minuses.  I'm glad the first year is over and am excited for year two to start on Monday (summer Hebrew).

What has really gotten me marveling over God's sovereignty is our search for a new house.  After an identity solidifying winter vacation we determined it would be best for us to find a new home for our family.  There was a house we wanted to rent last summer, but with our previous house not selling, we weren't sure at the time if we could afford it.  We loved the place and loved the neighborhood; and have since found out that some of our best new friends live only a couple of blocks away.  It is a small place with a fenced in back yard.  It's a duplex that is split with the home owners.  We would be close to the bus line in a fantastic community and could even have a garden in the back yard.  How cool would it be if that place were available for us?

So we sent an email to ask...

After a long break the landlords told us it is currently rented, but may be available.  They had to ask the current tenants.  So we prayed that God would move people's hearts so they would want to move out and we could move in.  And then we waited.

A few weeks again went by when finally we heard back: one of the three tenants was staying, but they were going to need to reapply.  They told us to just look for another place to live, but would let us know in a couple months if it opened up.  Ugh, more waiting.  Curious, I asked what the chances are that the tenants would be moving out.  The landlord told us not to expect anything.

We found another place to live, but it just didn't seem to fit right.  It was a beautiful place, but it was quite isolated from the people we wanted to get to know.  It was also far from any regular transit route for me to get to work and school.  With it as our only real option, we applied, pretty confident we'd be moving.

Surprisingly, we were rejected.  I've gotten quite familiar with rejection, but this time didn't have any of the same feelings I've had with prior rejections.  In fact, I felt a bit relieved.  Honestly, I felt that God was really leading us to this other house.  We had created a list of things important in a home for our family: conducive to growing our marriage; children secure in family identity; allow us to build deep friendships; create opportunities for interact with neighbors; separate quiet space for devotions and studies; a back yard for a garden; and on a bus route.  The place we desired met all of those, the place we applied for met half.  But we still didn't have any viable options.

Until we got a phone call again from our preferred landlords: they were thinking of buying a new house for their family and renting out their portion of the duplex.  They would let us know how the process went and maybe have their place available some time early in the fall.  That was both encouraging and frustrating at the same time.  The place we wanted would be available a couple months after we needed to be out.  We needed to keep praying that God would be sovereign over the decisions of men.

A few more weeks went by without any new direction but we did find another place. It was a beautiful old place that was recently remodeled after the tornado went through Minneapolis a few years ago.  It had a nice back yard for gardening and completely fenced in so the kids could play.  Unfortunately it was far from the people we wanted to get to know better.  It was also in a part of Minneapolis that people generally try to steer you away from. Without any word on the availability of the preferred option and time running out on our current lease, we decided to make this place our home.  We negotiated a price that worked for us and waited to sign the lease.

Then we got another phone call...

The day we were intending on signing a lease our favored landlords called back.  They were putting an offer in on another house and would be moving in time for us to move in.  They would really like if we would sign with them.  Aaahh!!  What a ride.  What a dilemma.  We were just about to sign a lease, was it okay to back out?  Nothing was legal yet, but it still felt like going back on our word.  But the place we were certain God would provide for us was available for us.  And we sort of backed out on them last summer too.  Could we back out on them again?

We took the weekend to pray about it and decided that God did too much changing of hearts and minds for us to say 'no' to what we had been praying for.  We are moving into the house that we knew right up front that the only way it could happen was if God showed himself to be sovereign even over the decisions of men.  God will not let me ever think that something is in control of even a single atomic particle or neurological impulse other than Him.

We think things like deciding on which home to live in or who our neighbors will be us up to our own decisions and the decisions of those people, but in some powerfully mysterious way.  God is in control.  And the most humbling thing about it is He exercises His sovereignty over the hearts of people for the good of His own children; for the good of me and my family.

Providence - "And we know that for those who love God, [He works] all things...together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28