But then I also feel a little guilt for wanting the semester to be done. Isn't this what I wanted to do? Hadn't I left my job to go to school again? Aren't my affections moved by what we are studying?
Of course they are! I am so thankful for my time here. It is an incredible privilege to have this opportunity to learn from such godly men. Yet this hasn't been a season of life that has come with ease. We've given up a lot to be here. We have experienced some of the biggest challenges of our lives. Every minute of the week is scheduled with church, school, work, and parenting. Sometimes the pressure feels too much to handle and I look forward to the release.
A helpful image came to mind as I considered the opposing feelings of wanting to be here and wanting to be finished. I am in the barrel of gun that God is pointing in the direction that I will be of most use to his purposes. At the moment the heat and pressure around me is propelling me forward. As I travel forward I bang up against the side of the barrel which keeps me focused in the right direction. If it were a shorter barrel the shot wouldn't be as accurate. It is precisely the boundaries of the barrel that I keep bumping against that focus my direction better for more effective ministry. I don't enjoy bumping up against the sides and feeling the intense pressure inside, but it will make me more useful in the end.
So, I continue in my training thankful for the season of intense focus looking forward to the launch into ministry at the end.
No comments :
Post a Comment