So That I Will Not Boast in Myself

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord  disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11, ESV)

(European Pressphoto)

 At one point in the process of moving toward Bethlehem College and Seminary, I came upon what appeared to be a dead end road; an abrupt stop in what seemed to be such a clear path to me.  It was a blow to my faith as I thought I was walking in faithful obedience for quite a while only to meet the end of the road with a steep cliff at the end; standing at the precipice in the pouring rain with no apparent new direction.  It was a gut wrenching feeling to think that everything I had worked toward and given up was wrong. How would I ever know God's leading in my life if that which was as clear to me as anything else was actually incorrect?  I spiraled quickly into the pit of despair.

 But "faithful are the wounds of a friend" who I had really only gotten to know over the phone during my interview process.  I had come to deeply respect this man's experienced perspective and he called me up to correct my prideful self-loathing.  What he told me is something that is difficult and important for me to remember every time I wonder how and why God is working.  He reminded me that God didn't do so much work in me for the last few years to leave me out to dry here and that instead of pitying myself and worrying about what God is doing, my only responsibility is to think about what I can learn through this experience and how I can become more holy through it.

 I didn't like the feeling of rejection and impotence.  I am the kind of guy who sees what needs to be done and makes it happen.  But my wise friend was sure to remind me that I am not in control and I need to learn how to let go of the reigns and trust God's work.

 As it turned out, the dead-end road was just an illusion.  The path became clearer later and looking back now, I recoil at the memory of my pathetic heart in such a moment.  But now I seem to, again, have come upon another road block in which I should be getting a little anxious about how it will work out.

 Just two months from when I need to leave, my house still hasn't sold, I have no idea where we will live, and I'm still on the lookout for that part-time job to support my family.  Last year, when we were filling out the application and weighing our financial situation, we had assumed that through various efforts we would make the move with a good amount of savings to move forward with.  And since that time, we've seen almost every one of those opportunities dwindle to the point where we will likely have less than half of what was expected. At times I feel like Gideon about to embark on a significant endeavor with God cutting out every possible resource that could be a source of personal boasting.

To this point we've been okay with that. I try to remind myself of the words of my faithful friend, that God has been preparing us for this endeavor, and instead of fretting about how it will work out I need to simply think about what I can learn in this moment and who I can minister to with what I do have today.  God will take care of tomorrow.

In our recent congregational prayer meeting (and in a John Piper blog post), I was reminded about the purpose of God's work in our lives: that He would receive great glory.  The reason He took away all of Gideon's battle resources was so He could be sure to get the credit for the victory.  The reason God answers our prayers is so that in receiving an answer we will praise Him for his provision.  The reason He sustains us through trials is to reveal Himself to be our strength in our time of weakness.

 The longer He makes me wait, the more excited I get to shout from the rooftops His amazing love and care for me.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:1-3, ESV)